Diary of a Stalker

14th February, 2012

You're so perfect.  How come someone be so perfect?  Perfection of your face slows me down.  It hypnotizes me.  It frustrates me.  Do you know how it feels to be hypnotized and frustrated by something at the same time?  It is like craving for the drug you can never have.  

My eyes were constant at the exit door, not looking elsewhere even for a second.  The place I keep waiting for a glance of you if pretty safe.  Only I can see you coming out of that door, but you can't see me.  I can observe and stare at you without stressing about you spotting me that way.  That would be embarrassing, wouldn't it?  I'd have to kill myself. 

Those fractions of moments pass away so quickly when I see you coming out.  And when you're gone, I close my eyes just to capture and save you in my mind.  I just seem to love everything you do.  I keep wondering what might be happening in your world.  The people around you are so blessed, I don't know if they even acknowledge that.  And I'm so cursed. 

Obsession.  Nothing else.  I'm obsessed with you.  I'm definitely not in love with you because I don't even know you.  It's less than love but more than a crush.  May be it's experiential intimacy; where no verbal communication is there, but you feel a kind of intimacy through small acts you share.  This is really something for me.  I almost started to think that I was emotionally impotent until I stepped into the region of your existence.  Suddenly I started to discover these new dimensions that I never thought even existed before. 

They say, you can connect with minds if your will is strong.  My attention towards you is purely unconditional.  I feel no barrier when I connect to the image of you.  Do you ever get a hint of that vibe?  I don't even know if that would be something worthy to you.  I wish it were.  

You know, they say, there's a reason behind meeting every person in your life.  Then I guess the reason might be stronger if you not just meet someone but also feel a sort of connection.  Does it work if the connection is one sided only?  It may be two sided.  And the saddest part is, I'll never know your part of the story.  I'll keep pretending until we vanish from each others worlds. 

Happy Valentines Day!  Something I'll never be able to say to you. 

~ The Clandestine Stalker