Shadow Days Must Be Over

For the last couple of weeks I've been pondering over the issue of where I stand in the process of life as a human being.  I've found myself to be a good person at heart [as I'm heart strong and heart is always right!], but mean at times.  It's bothering me because I don't plan to be mean.  It's just sometimes some of our acts/attitudes/gestures are mean.  I wish I could amend few things I said or did.  For clarification, this wish of amendment is not regret.  Along side having these realization phases, I'm glad that I got a chance again to scrutinize who I am.

The thing is, we all are mean at times.  Some acknowledge it, some don't.  [See, here I'm going again flaunting my acknowledging power!  I don't want to do it.  This is mean.  I know.  I'm learning.]  Actually the thing is, I've had a hard time grasping who am I based on how I react for the last couple of weeks.  And it's hard to accept who you are sometimes, specially if you've reacted badly because you've been provoked by some people.  A lot depends on how you react.  

I've figured out another thing.  [Not really figured out, I knew it already, I just need to put it into the limelight and work on improvising.]  I am very much affected by other people.  Be it their positive or negative impressions, it affect me.  We can leave the positive part, but the negativity of people is harming me.  It's filling me with negativity.  It's making me doubt my real self.  Remember, Spider Man 3 where the strange black entity began to amplify the darker qualities of Peter Parker and how he tried to fight it?  The feeling is somewhat like that.

I need to get rid of that black entity within me.  And to do that I've to do two things.  One is control my stupid mouth.  I just have to learn to think before speaking.  I also have to control my reaction whenever I'm provoked.  As it's not in my nature, so I think staying shut at occasions is a better idea!  

The other thing is, I've to trim down the circle of people in my network.  I'm going to decrease interaction with the people who fill my mind with negativity.  It doesn't mean deleting them from my social networking sites, but from my thought process.  I'm simply planning to stop talking to some people [unless necessary], even if they are very close to me.  There's no meaning of continuing any conversation if it's not healthy and unless they possess the similar wavelengths of understanding. 

Let me end with few verse from John Mayer's latest single from the upcoming album Born and Raised...

I’m a good man with a good heart
Had a tough time, got a rough start
And I finally learned to let it go
Now I’m right here, and I’m right now
And I’m hoping, knowing somehow
That my shadows days are over
My shadow days are over now

~ Shadow Days by John Mayer